Don’t get monkey butt- cause if ya can’t save your own a$$, how ya gonna save someone else’s? We all know this to be true. The gas mask comes down and the instructions are to put it on yourself before assisting others on the plane. Why? Because you need to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. This principle applies to our kit and to our journey as well. Our new toys we picked up are dangerous. I can hear momma saying, “Play with fire and you’re gonna get burned!” Momma knows best for a reason- There is no substitute for experience. Don’t forget Murphy’s Law either-If it can happen, it will happen. Face facts. We are human. We will make mistakes. We are not perfect. The Boy Scout motto holds true- Be prepared!!!

The more you know, the less you have to carry. The less you know, the more you have to carry. Mors Kochanski made that statement. I believe in it to a degree. It sure is nice to understand your resources and how to use them, but what if you cut yourself and there’s no plantain around to stop the bleeding? Lord forbid you actually stop the bleeding and there’s no birch polypore to make a band-aid with. What about the pain? Willow bark is everywhere when you don’t need to make a decoction of aspirin. You get the point. If you don’t, please observe the emergency exits and verbally confirm that you are capable of performing all necessary duties. Support Search and Rescue and get lost.

Now that we’re surrounded by like minded individuals, we can look at each other’s briefcases. “Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm? That’s right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items. If one were so inclined…” Alright Mr. Durden, take your hipster outfit, bad chemistry and get outta here. I’m glad he brought up household items though. That just so happens to be the subject matter for this journey. More than likely you already have a good start on a righteous medical kit. If a ready-made medical kit is cheap, so are the contents. Being that I grew up in a pharmacist’s home and that I grew up to be a First Responder, I have a schweet medicine cabinet as a result. It’s all about the principles. Doing more with less and saving money. Remember? If you have resources at home for your kit that will fill the need, use them. Don’t worry. Samuel Jackson took care of all the snakes on this plane…

Now that you’ve realized the serpent didn’t actually bite you, make sure there isn’t one on the way to the medicine cabinet. Mainly to persuade you to take all of momma’s emergency supplies she has on hand. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Redundancy -two is one and one is none. Before you go all skull and crossbones, make sure there’s enough left for the family should they need it. If not, hit the Wally World and pick up the following items: a small tube of triple antibiotic ointment (with pain relief), a good assortment of quality band aids, a small tube of hydrocortisone, a small tube of Lotrimin (anti-fungal), some diphenhydramine (Benadryl- 25mg tabs), acetaminophen(Tylenol) or ibuprophen(Advil) or whatever you prefer for pain, a small roll of antacid (Tums), some Imodium tabs (when you’re playin’ in the dirt and you feel somethin’ squirt- diarrhea… diarrhea…), Chapstick (a butt-ton of survival uses), baby wipes (your poop chute deserves the best you can offer, plus, it doesn’t matter if they get wet and you can use them to bathe and for disinfecting- just get some), some surgical dressing (4 x 4’s or 5 x 9’s), a bar of Kirk’s Castile soap, A Red Cross Toothache Medication Drops Kit (handy with the firecraft too), lavender scented baby powder (bugs hate lavender), a roll of 1” x 10 yards Gorilla brand black tape (it’s flammable btw), a small tube of Shoe Goo (do you know how to make hide or pine pitch glue?), a four pack of Duracell AAA’s, a stainless steel scouring pad and a pair of black or brown panty hose knee highs…

While you’re wondering about the need for knee highs, pick up a can of high temp black barbecue grill/ stove paint, a Bic brand lighter, a package of little pill bags and the expensive quart freezer bags as well. Our next couple trips are going to be DIY projects at home to enhance your kit. If you don’t trust me, take off in the stolen red Camaro with Tyler Durden and check out Project Mayhem. I’m sure that will work out well. Wouldn’t hurt to get some heavy duty polyester outdoor thread and an assortment of needles (make sure one is a sail needle). The rest of your medical kit is really up to you. Make sure you have plenty of your specifically needed meds included. Now, all of these items come well under the $100 mark, and if you don’t already have them at home, go now and pick up where you left off when you return. Just don’t go in a red convertible Camaro. I’m going to trust you with the keys to the Survival Time Machine…

So let’s see. What else do we have at home? I happen to have a Swiss Army Knife in my knife collection. I have a Huntsman’s model. MacGyver approves. Not to mention the toothpick has saved my life more than once. I also have a Suunto MC-2 global compass I outfitted with some ranger beads and a TOPS whistle that happens to have a mirror. Most survival kits recommend a mirror for signaling. I like to look at my eye when I get something in it. At any rate you can look at your teeth while you pick the meat out after killing the bear with one of the many options the ultra handy multi-tool has to offer. Not really, but you could notch a figure four deadfall trap, whittle some chopsticks and make a spit to cook your average yard rat and then, pick the gristle out of your pearly whites, with your toothpick, in the mirror and laugh about these holy run on sentences. Don’t forget to gut your kill away from camp. We don’t want to face a bear with our Swiss Army knife. Maybe you should work on a spear…

What else? Hmmm… I found a locking key carabiner to attach my gloves to my pack, a Sharpie (which will help us when sharpening our knife), an orange Home Depot contractor pencil (with an eraser that will also help in the knife sharpening category), a couple black heavy duty contractor garbage bags, an old Sucrets sore throat lozenge tin (yes, it’s just like an Altoid can), a cotton sock (the dryer gnome took the other one), another pair of wool socks, a pair of 50/50 (cotton/poly) blend boxer briefs, a pair of toe-nail clippers and some fleece camo pajama bottoms. I call ‘em “tactical leg coverings.” Don a pair on your way to Wally World for a late night “Black Op” to acquire whatever you need in comfort. Fleece pajama bottoms make excellent insulation layers and dry super- duper fast. You’ll appreciate them when you have to pee in the middle of the night as well (btw, the reason you have to pee so much in the woods when it’s cold is because your body is trying to get rid of as much fluid as possible so it has less to heat- you’re welcome). Until we can upgrade to better layers, these will work just fine. They’re also too large for the dryer gnome to steal…

Like your favorite TV show, I’m gonna keep you wondering about the mysterious choices for the contents of our kit this trip (or walk-about in the house or at Wally World in our “tactical leg coverings”). Now you will have to tune in next time to find out! You more than likely won’t have the exact items at home that I had. That’s cool. You will have some of them though. Follow the principles. Change the way you look at things. Be opportunistic. Be resourceful. Resist the urge to go back to the Amazon. I don’t have any more red pills and you’ve had enough time in the Matrix. Hit the Goodwill. Visit Sean at the Military Depot. Find a yard sale. Clean out your garage, attic and closets. Repurpose something into treasure. Be the change you want to see. Blaze a trail worthy of following. Get out of your comfort zone, gain some confidence through your experience and PREVAIL!!!

-Jonathan